by Claus Larsen
I took a good, hard look at Sylvia Browne’s predictions for the next 100 years. It’s rather depressing how little imagination she has, given the fact that she is in the lucrative business of presenting fantasies as facts.
I have divided them into six groups:
The numbers refer to the actual order of her prophecies on her homepage.
In which we are presented with a glorious computerized future, with no bad side effects.
“2. Robotic houses, controlled by computerized switchboard.”
Already possible. If she is going to make predictions, at least make ones that haven’t happened yet.
Computers don’t use “switchboards”; those belong to the age of telephone operators.
“3. Electrical cars with flotation ability for water travel to bypass freeways.”
We already have electrical cars.
Apart from the fact that the sea rarely ever is quiet enough for this type of travel, it would necessitate “water highways”, complete with signs, regulations etc.
Can you imagine the chaos of thousands of water-cars in the waters outside L.A. or New York?
“4. Houses made from pressed paper with plastic coatings; interchangeable walls.”
Can already be done, but impractical: Why create houses that are prone to incineration? Who would want to live in a house that, after it melted, caught fire and burnt down in seconds?
Interchangeable walls are already found in cubicle-happy America.
“8. Cylindrical rooms in which people enter to see an automated projection of the clothing and color that would look good on them; select what you want, take your measurements, then two days later pick up the goods.”
Already feasible. In Bangkok, you can even get your new suits the next day. They are cheap, too.
“9. Third floor of houses have rollback roofs to allow Hovercrafts to come and go.”
Hovercrafts hover just above the ground, they do not fly in third floor altitudes. If they did, they would produce so much turbulence that no begonias would survive. Your neighbours would kill you.
“12. New exercise equipment that you sit or stand in, and it literally stimulates your muscles with electricity to achieve the same effect as physical exercise.”
A couch potato’s dream – death to the Thighmaster! What about blood flow that stimulates your heart? A good walk still is unbeatable.
“23. Atomic batteries will run cars.”
Assuming that Browne really means “nuclear driven” batteries (“atomic” batteries are the ones we already have), this would be highly unlikely. In the event of each crash, we would need to seal off a large part of the vicinity. With over 40.000 people killed each year in car crashes in the U.S. alone, we would quickly have mini-Chernobyls filling out the map.
Not to speak of the huge problems with nuclear waste, or even getting enough fuel. How do we accomplish that?
“27. A virtual reality headset will stimulate brain waves so people can learn whole libraries of information within hours.”
“28. Giant fruits and vegetables will be grown in hothouse environments. The nutrients will be synthesized into a highly condensed injection.”
Why would we grow giant carrots if all we do with them is inject the nutrients? Cloning seems much more viable.
Seems like Browne has a thing with needles. (see number 22)
“29. Proteins are developed without animal meat, very powerful, builds immune system.”
Probably, but people would still want to BBQ. It’s a guy thing. Who would want to eat pills instead of a juicy steak? The “McDonald Pill”? “You want a saline drop with that?”
And if we can do this, why can’t we do it with fruits and vegetables? (see number 28)
Browne should start reading “Popular Mechanics” and “Sky & Telescope” instead of getting her information from shows like the Jetsons and Buck Rogers.
“24. No more gas propelled rockets in space; we will have nuclear powered cylinder shaped objects that travel everywhere.”
By “everywhere”, I assume all over the universe. It will take time and enormous “cylinder shaped objects”, filled with more nuclear fuel than the weight of the Earth itself. But at least she got the “nuclear” thing right this time. (see number 23)
Rockets are not driven by propellers.
“25. A moon base is created for people to visit, and as a stopping place for further trips.”
Space tourism will always be for gazillionaires with too much time on their hands. Unless we can find something really, really valuable in space that will make space travel economically feasible, most people are stuck here on Earth.
“39. Four more comets will pass by before the end times.”
Only four? That would mean the end is very near, as several comets “pass by” each year. If this prediction is true, then either all the other predictions have to happen right away or they are false. Or this one is. Either way, Browne loses.
“40. Aliens will begin to show themselves in the year 2010, they will not harm us, they simply want to see what we are doing to this planet. They will teach us how to use anti-gravity devices again, such as they did for the pyramids.”
Oh, goodie! That means only a couple of years from now! But wait! Aliens “will begin to show themselves”? All these previous sightings have been false?
The pyramids were built by the ancient Egyptians. To claim otherworldly construction is not only to disregard the evidence, it is also incredibly demeaning toward the Egyptians.
If the Aliens really did build the pyramids, why didn’t they build something that the Egyptians could not possibly have built – like a nuclear reactor, or a supercomputer?
The anti-gravity device would automatically move straight up through the atmosphere, away from the gravity of Earth. Not very useful.
This section is dominated by good news, predominantly targeted for the ever-worried middle-class women.
“1. Eradication of cancer as we know it, using sound waves, photo sensitive drug therapy, and “self-addicting” cells.”
Possible, but what is “photo sensitive drug therapy” and “self-addicting cells”?
“5. Separate body parts cloned for organ transplants; not an entire body.”
Will we have giant hangars where limbs and intestines from people are kept in storage until they might be of use? Or are limbs and intestines grown on demand, in minutes? (When you need a new liver, you need it now, not in 10 years).
“6. New form of painless tooth extraction, using a type of suction, with immediate replacement of new tooth.”
You would need a suction strong enough to extract the tooth but gentle enough leave the nerves underneath intact. Or, of course, the nerves are also replaced.
“7. Diagnostic chambers which map the body’s electrical balance to predict health problems before they come.”
Health problems arise from a multitude of reasons, not merely imperfections in the “electrical balance”, whatever that means.
“10. No more surgery with knives. Some type of molecular ionization device that knows how to take out the afflicted cells then seal the wound without a single scar.”
Already, we can do surgery using lasers. “Molecular ionization devices”?
“11. Remolding of the whole face structure, to duplicate any look that you wish.”
This will go well on Oprah! A few problems, though:
- Copyright issues will arise from the estates of James Dean, Marilyn Monroe and Elvis Presley, among others.
- The Motor Vehicle Department would work overtime, re-issuing driver’s licenses.
- The FBI would lose track of any criminal. If you can remold the face, you can also create a new set of fingerprints.
- Families would be in disarray. Kids wouldn’t recognize their mothers and all fathers would look like Brad Pitt with a pot belly.
“13. Babies will be birthed in water all the time, with music, incense, and green and lavender lights.”
“All the time” presumably means that every single child will be born this way. We still need to see evidence that kids actually benefit more from this than any other method of delivery. Will it be required by law? Other cultures believe in different methods, but will they be repressed or even outlawed?
Why green and lavender? We want our babies to have bad colour coordination skills?
Burning incense produces smoke, which cannot possibly be good for either the mother, who would still need to take deep breaths, or the newborn baby, whose first breath would be very unpleasant. Welcome to the world, kid – have a smoke!
“21. Treatment for depression and mood disorders will come from a “control chamber” that emits sensory stimulation gently to the brain, including certain smells, which will elevate mood.”
“22. Medicine in pill form goes away; instead we have air-injected delivery through the skin.”
Already possible. But pills are very effective and convenient, and a lot of people don’t like needles.
“30. Addictions will be a thing of the past because of a brain stimulation, which eradicates all addictions, with no side effects.”
Every cure has side effects. To claim otherwise shows Browne’s poor understanding of medicine.
What is an addiction, anyway? A lot of women would claim to be addicted to chocolate – should they have their brains “stimulated” as well?
If we can control people’s behaviour with this technology, who will decide what treatment is given to whom?
Very vague, and therefore more likely to succeed.
“15. There will be no US Presidency; our government will go back to a Greek Senate structure.”
Assuming Browne means “Ancient Greece at the time of Socrates and Plato”, she’s wrong. They had an Assembly, not a Senate. The Romans had a Senate. Maybe she’s confusing them?
“17. Peace in the Middle East will prevail by 2050.”
We all hope for that, albeit much sooner than 2050. Any predictions on how we obtain it?
“26. By 2055 most people will live in domed cities due to poor atmospheric conditions.”
Actually, the quality of air in most big cities have improved immensely during the past few decades. Remember the London Smog? Gone today.
It isn’t fresh mountain air yet, but as a whole, it is not getting worse. Exhaust emissions from cars are down today (albeit still a major pollutant). But weren’t we going to live in communities anyway? (see number 20)
Placing “most” people in domed cities will mean that – by U.N. estimates – maybe 4-5 billion people will live in these domes?
“31. Execution for the death penalty will become a complete vaporization of the body.”
Capital punishment will probably be abolished, so no need for this. This “prediction” is also the logical solution to the uneasiness that Americans have towards the death penalty. They want to execute their criminals, but they don’t want to look at it. *Poof*.
Also, this technology will make it possible to commit the perfect murder. Instead of burying your victim in the Golden Gate Bridge, simply vaporize the body. Not just for the mob, but the perfect tool for repression for any government.
“32. No separate governments, one planetary government will form.”
I thought the U.S. would be governed in “Greek senate” style?
“33. Great earth changes will occur and germ warfare will be used before the world finds peace. But eventually from all of the bad comes good. The pendulum will swing back to humanity and love.”
Germ warfare is banned by the Geneva convention. Any use of it would immediately cause a public uproar.
“34. No world war is coming, but lots of civil disorder and small skirmishes. No nuclear holocaust.”
“35. Peace will last from 2050 until 2100, and then I see nothing beyond, which could mean “the end will come like a thief in the night.”
Or it could not. Absence of proof is not proof of absence.
Get ready for some shameless self-promotion!
“14. People will be able to simply “walk out” of their bodies upon death.”
Being a prediction, does it mean that it can’t be done now? What will cause this? Heightened Spirituality, Browne-style.
“16. No longer a single Pope, but a triumvirate of Popes, each assigned to a geographic collection of Catholics.”
I’ll bet they will soon start to disagree. The papacy was split into two fractions once (the Great Schism in the late 1300s), and it didn’t work. Browne simply does not understand the position of the Pope: He decides what goes down in the Catholic ‘hood, not a committee.
“20. After 2050, the “Age of the Messiah” is upon us. People turn totally toward Spirituality, peace will rein for a long time. People will return to community living, loving each other, and working together.”
Turning “totally” toward Spirituality (with a capital S, no less) and live in communities brings out images of serene villages where nobody quarrels. Nobody drives the aforementioned Hovercrafts (see number 9) either, since no big industries exist. You can’t have big industries if you don’t have lots of people living nearby in big cities. You would need mass-commuting every day. People live in cities because everything is so conveniently close.
What happened to the big, domed cities? (see number 26)
“36. Toward the end of things, the veil separating our world from The Other Side will thin, so much so that most people will see decease loved ones and speak with their Spirit Guides.”
“The veil separating the worlds will thin” is a phrase from Marion Zimmer-Bradley’s bestseller “Mists of Avalon”.
“37. There will be many false prophets that rise up proclaiming to be Jesus on Earth, and try to lead people astray. We are already seeing this in the big rise of occultism.”
I would not have thought that Browne would have such an insight! I am impressed!!
“38. People will again find Spirituality, not so much in organized religion, but in the spiritual brotherhood of coming together and finding their Temple within.”
This is straight out of her “Novus Spiritus” jive. Apparently, Browne’s brand of Spirituality is the prevailing one.
Even if she claims that dying people never suffer, she has no qualms eliminating the West Coast and most of Japan. Atlantis also pops up.
“18. West Coast goes under in 2026. Parts of the East Coast also get inundated. Tsunamis will wipe out a large portion of Japan. The Hawaiian Islands will have upheaval and be the site of a large new landmass.”
Sounds like Lex Luthor. “A large portion” would mean more than, say, 5-10%? That a tsunami will hit Japan is a safe bet, but let’s see the damages first.
This is only years from now. She might live that long, and be held accountable.
If this came true, it would mean relocation or even destruction of the whole Hawaiian population. When land rises, it doesn’t do it elevator-style. It is usually violent and swift, or happens over millenia. Hawaii consists of volcanic islands, so of course there will be some changes.
“19. Atlantis will begin to show itself by 2023 and be fully visible by 2026.”
I would love to see the oceanographic maps of just where this landmass complete with fantastic buildings will come from.
Sylvia Browne can only see what serves her purpose: Establishing a new religion where she is the center of adoration.